Holiday Truths – In-Flight Armchair Tactics

Have you ever found yourself sitting next to someone on a plane who just has to fully occupy BOTH of the armrests?  It’s one of the most well-known of holiday truths.  If you are really unlucky, you can end up with these armrest scroungers on BOTH sides of you, leaving you with nowhere to rest your arms apart from in your lap – very wearing on the back after a few hours!

“the oldest of air travel holiday truths”

Now really, each person should only lay claim to ONE armrest.  In economy class, there really is only one armrest per person plus one left over – this is one of oldest of air travel holiday truths, and everyone knows it – but some people

Holiday Truths - Airline Seating, courtesy of flickr.com user: mattimattila

just sort of “pretend” to forget it!  Either that, or they decide that THEY are going to be the one person in the row who gets the TWO armrests while everyone else gets one.

For example, say there is a row of three seats, like in an Airbus A320 or a Boeing 737.  The person in the window seat may say to himself: “If I use both armrests first, the person in the middle can use the armrest towards the aisle, and then the person in the aisle can use the armrest on the aisle side too”.  The problem is that the person sitting in the aisle may reason, “I’m taking both armrests, and the person next to me can use the armrest on the window side, and the person in the window can also lean towards the window and use the armrest that side”.  This can leave the poor person in the middle with NO armrest at all!

“trolley traffic whizzing past”

In my opinion, the fairest thing is based on the ergonomic advantages and disadvantages that naturally come with certain seats.  The window seat has the physical advantage that you have the side of the plane to lean against, whereas the aisle seat has a physical disadvantage that you have trolley traffic whizzing past – traffic that can crunch into your elbow if you dare to actually use the armrest aisle-side.  Therefore, I think the only fair thing is for the window-seat passenger to use the armrest window-side; the middle passenger also to use the armrest on the outer, window-side, leaving the aisle seat passenger free to use the armrest away from the aisle too.  That way, everyone gets one usable, window-side armrest and the aisle seat passenger gets to keep his elbow in one piece.

“Two-Armrest Tommy”

Unfortunately, not everyone sees the world this way, which brings me to the subject of unspoken “armrest negotiations”.  I have repeatedly been forced to enter into these silent, physical negotiations, finding myself wedged in the middle of a three-seat row with an ignorant “Two-Armrest Tommy” on either side.  It’s one of the most annoying of holiday truths, because after a while, in the face of increasing backache and annoyance, you can find that your “holiday

Holiday Truths - Armrests Down, courtesy of flickr.com user: dannysullivan

mood” evaporates into – well into a plain old mood!  This is what I do to put things right and claim back my armrest:

“shell suit-covered ankle”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch and I wait.  I wait for my window-seat neighbour to make a move.  In particular, I am waiting for him to lean forward, or move his arm momentarily away from the rear section of the armrest.  This could be when he makes a grab for the in-flight magazine, or leans forward to unlace his trainers, scratch a shell suit-covered ankle, whatever.  The point is, these moves leave the rear part of the armrest exposed – and it is at this precise moment that I make my move.

“sudden physical contact”

Leaning back into my seat as far as I can, I wedge my elbow onto the free section of armrest as my unsuspecting victim leans forward, being extremely careful not to touch him.  Then, I either close my eyes as if sleeping, or I read the in-flight magazine as intently as I can pretend to.  Next, when the victim leans back and attempts to reclaim the rear of the armrest – he finds to his surprise that my elbow is wedged there!  What can he do?  The sudden physical contact is usually enough to cause an immediate recoil, followed by the sinking realisation that he has been out-manoeuvred!  Usually, sometimes after a short stand-off when his elbow is wedged against mine, he gives in, often removing his arm from the armrest altogether, allowing me to discreetly, but rapidly, lower my forearm onto the entire rest, before he can change his mind.

I have no guilt about this.  I am just reclaiming what any decent neighbour would recognise was rightfully mine under the unspoken laws of air travel holiday truths.

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