Queue jumping at check-in has to be one of the oldest holiday truths of all – as old as the package holiday itself.  But actually, common though it is – common being a particularly appropriate word in my opinion – common though it is,

Holiday Truths - Check-in, courtesy of flickr.com user: scalleja

check-in queue jumping is actually almost an art form, with many different variations.  Come with me as we take a look at a few of them.  Forewarned is forearmed, right?

Holiday Truths: The Lane-Changer

Have you ever noticed that when check-in first opens for a flight, there are sometimes only one or two desks open, then after a while, as the queues start to snake out of the terminal doors, Conchita finally finishes her coffee and reluctantly sidles over to open her desk alongside the others.

“Conchita reluctantly sidles over”

This is the very opportunity that the lane-changer has been waiting for.  He comes from the back of one of the existing queues, and virtually runs the length of it before most people have chance to even get up off their makeshift suitcase-seats, presenting himself at the newly-opened desk, oblivious to, or ignoring, the tutting and muttering behind and slightly to one side of him.

I mean, what does he think all those people are queueing for?  What twisted logic makes the lane-changer think he is actually justified in getting served before the hundreds of people who were patiently queueing long before he even arrived at the airport?

Sorry, but I’m going to have to change the subject – the blood pressure is on the way up as I even think about THAT MAN..

The “Come and Join Us!” Queue Jumping Party

I am sure that anyone who has ever been on your bog-standard charter flight will have witnessed this most annoying of holiday truths.  It’s a strange phenomenon, because it only ever happens on the return flight.  Let’s take a look:

Bill and Norma have had a great time in Corfu.  The hotel was such a fantastic place and they had such a good time making friends with Don and Betty; Mike, Sharon, the kids – and all the rest.  And, what a coincidence, they’re all headed back to Manchester on the same flight!  Here we go..

At check-in, Sharon want to go shopping, the kids want to go on the arcade games and Mike wants to go to the bar, so as soon as they get through the doors, they split up leaving poor old Bill and Norma to head for the queue at check-in, where as luck would have it, they are very near the front.

As the departure coaches arrive one after another, the queue builds up in the always-too-small Greek check-in hall, and there’s no sign of any staff arriving to open the desks.  People alternate between moaning, shuffling from one foot to another, sitting on their cases or just lying on the floor.  Then, all heads turn to the front as Bill and Norma, until now

Check-in Queue, courtesy of flickr.com user: emeryjl

looking just like any other couple, suddenly start to “cooo-eee” like demented pigeons, then shout the names of their various new holiday friends as they spot them at the end of the queue.

“like a combine harvester in a corn field”

Next, Don, Betty, Mike & Sharon, an assortment of grandparents, children and babies, at least 15 people in all, not to mention a veritable entourage of wheeled cases, buggies and hand luggage, cut a swathe through the queue like a combine harvester in a corn field, finally joining poor old Bill and Norma right at the front.  Bill and Norma, by way of an answer to the crowd of glaring faces, simply say “oh, no – they’re not pushing in – they’re with us”.

So that’s OK then..

As holiday truths go, it’s a real pain, and I have this vision of the ultimate version, where one solitary person is waiting in the queue, and just as check-in opens, a whole plane-load of “friends” comes to join him as described above, only to realise that they have gained nothing because there was nobody left to push in front of!

“cold grey dawn faces”

The reason that you never see this phenomenon on the outbound flight is that it is dependent on a certain stage of friendship – specifically, that honeymoon period where you have just met, bonded, and seen all the positive sides to your new holiday friends and none of the negatives.  In other words, you’re keen to do them a favour – impress them with your generosity.  On the way out, there is no such bonhomie – just cold grey dawn faces.

The Bag Trick

The story I am about to relate to you, of queue jumping at a Greek airport that I witnessed a few years ago, is almost unbelievable for its sheer bare-faced cheek.

Holiday Truths - Check in Queues, courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org user: Toen96

A man sidled up to the front of the queue, and without saying a word literally threw a big duffel bag down on the floor right in front of the first person in the queue, into the gap between the “red line” and the desk, and then very quickly walked off and out of sight of the queue.  I then spent a few nervous minutes wondering if I should find a member of security staff to tell them about the unattended bag.

“muttering mob”

Anyway, before I acted on that thought, the man returned after about five minutes and, bold as brass, stood right next to his bag at the front of the queue, staying there until check-in opened, at which point, with not even a glance at the muttering mob behind him, he walked forward to be served first.

This worked, it seemed to me, because of people’s natural reluctance to engage in conflict.  The man was about 30 or 35 and somewhat rough-looking, and clearly the people who had rightfully been at the front of the queue had no intention of confronting him.  They just muttered between themselves as the man faced the front and ignored them completely.

This tactic is definitely not recommended for several reasons.  Firstly, and most importantly, leaving your bag unattended could lead to a security alert and you would be in hot water if that happened, to say the least.  Secondly, it is just plain antisocial to queue jump like this – I mean, using your physical prowess or the threat of it to gain an unfair advantage over your fellow man is about as low as you can stoop.

So that man, if you are reading this, take note – on some level at least, you did NOT get away with it.

These are but three of the many, inescapable airport holiday truths.  Come back to Suntrap Holidays often, because we’ve got lots more to tell you about – and some of it you just won’t believe!